i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
