i need an iv and a liver transplant
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
