I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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