dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i think my cat just said my name.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
