Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
