i think i have herpe
just one?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
