Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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