from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
