And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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