I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
