The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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