She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
