So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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