Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
