So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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