still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
