I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
