I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
