my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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