this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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