im drinking this country out of the recession.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
