Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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