So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
