I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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