I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
