im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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