My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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