grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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