someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
