im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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