needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
