New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
