i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
