New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
