sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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