whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
