I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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