I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
