took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
