My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
this hospital has no fireball
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
