I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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