so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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