so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize