he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
