They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
