I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
