if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
