If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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