haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
