I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
In America we eat man semen.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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