How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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