he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
