you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
honey bunches of taint.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
