Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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