Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
