im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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