I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
