It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
