woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
