Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
