If i come over, it means nothing
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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