Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
