Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
