so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
