Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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