We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
